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An open letter to my co husband

An open letter to my co husband.

Congratulations on your self appointed part time duty. I hope you do enjoy the daytime shift despite the heat and sweat that comes with it.

I want to thank you for helping me maintain balanced horizontal  diet on my menu. Life is not easy nowadays. Thanks for ploughing during the dry season and leaving me with planting to do. Isn't life all about sharing?

Thanks again and again for making her go away from me albeit intermittently in the name of "going to visit her parents",for the times she's away 'visiting' leaving me alone are my best times. I can watch football freely without having to contend with many rhetorical questions.I can play football too!

It's a pity that at such times you are normally very busy building the nation. Build it without giving up. When she's away I'm always indoors by 6pm washing, cooking, ironing etc so that when she comes back she finds things in order and I escape her nagging and fights,she embraces  me with a big heart and open arms and legs,that is if the legs are still intact! Isn't life sweet!

Gentleman, we always meet and I know you, we are the best of friends. Feel free to ask for advice on how to handle her mkesho and bonga point, how to manage her temper flares and how to make her forget me completely and come to you fully with our seven kids, domestic officer, our dog Jubinasa and our cat Nasajubi! What are friends for?

Thanks for helping me fix her hair, I mean all her hairs including mohair,her nails, her snails and her skin! Yes, the thick skin. Kindly try and fix her brain too. Fix her temper and never let her go near a knife when angry Tame her attitude as well and don't miss church if you want peace. Avoid alcohol and make sure by 5pm you are in the house and silent. Speak only when spoken to and never listen to any kind of music apart from gospel.

Let me show you where her G spot is, the geolocation of her Black spot and all her spots! Co husband you will enjoy  this work for real. Watch out when she fumes like a puff udder she may spit in your eyes and leave you blind! Are you ready for tongue lashing the whole night? Mothers union attire and  letter four in bed when things turn topsy turvy? Then go ahead. Take the whole package, for free!

Yours in horizontal  solidarity

FK

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