Felix Kochuka

#The_little_things_in_life Nothing matters more than the little things we do not value in life, many are the times we do not pay much attention to them yet they matter a lot. Which are the little things in life that really matter to you as a person? On my side they are many, including but not limited to: √A smile from a child. This softens my heart always. Children are so innocent and so are their smiles. √A warm welcome by Thatcher when  back from work, this gives you the assurance that no matter how bad your day was there's always someone you'll go back to and they'll accept you the way you are. √That pep talk with any elderly person. You feel that despite your age difference he accepts that you too do have a say and that he doesn't look down upon you as a tabular rasa. √Occasional surprise visit by a long lost friend or a former student. This gives you some impetus to keep doing well so that people can benefit from you. Most times they don't come em...

#Linguistically_Tipsy Curiosity got the better of me. Why would one decide to block someone on Facebook? In deed various reasons abound. I've also had to block some people off my list of friends once in a while.In my case I never have permanent enemies on Facebook. Never! I always unblock them in the end. The longest I've ever blocked anyone was one year, two days. After which I unblock them and in most cases they behave thereafter. I never hold grudges, I don't know how to, probably this is my greatest weakness. Even when I know that my best friends are sleeping around with my exes in turns, I normally never show them that I do. We meet, laugh, drink etc but I never raise that topic. Not even when I know your weaknesses as an ex will I breath it to anyone that approaches me asking over the same. When they persist with clinic questions, I do the wisest thing:I block them.  I'm just either queer or extremely reserved, just like my immediate ex. I love her for that....

#Gone_Ballistic Not unless you are one's inamorata(position vacant),do not juxtapose and parade your inchoate naked ideas, luxuriating in their midst, pulling a luvvy,swishing and swerving your buxom laden mass of fertilizer like a geisha woman who has seen a hot Gorgonzola cheese! It's quite stultifying for one to go off-limits and take leave of their faculties, mistaking any sober minded person for an effete!Helluva no! They are neither easy–peasy nor newmen.To your consternation, they can be mean with respect just like my brother and village mate, Wuo Amboo Jerusalem. Respect is earned! A wedding tackle is sacred and jealously guarded. Just because you are a sheila, sylph and a stunning svelte does not give you the licence to expose your gregarious macho attitudinal predisposition to swoon around everyone who crosses your path. One day monsoon winds will blow you the wrong way. Stand guided thus:Do not cross the Rubicon, see!

Kenya I love the Kalenjin gold medals! I love the Ameru miraa. I love the Kikuyu muratina. I love the Kisii matoke. I love the Taita "hills" I love the Kamba kilumi. I love the Maasai manyatta. I love the Ateso intonation... I love Luhya isikuti. I love the Borana camels. You love....

#Homecoming Some buffoons herein never cease to amuse me.Juxtaposing themselves as kittiwakes on heat,worse still as currawongs on a mating spree!Pray, how do we transmogify these inchoate mongrels stuck in their cocoon like the proverbial ostrich? Often they dissimulate their kerfuffle through reckless spitfire.Probably they need a spittoon;where from-only Amadiora knows. Obviously they are hell bent to cooee us using skeletal back street phraseology-they never 'disappoint'.Many are the times they come up with limpy doggorels that always amount to zilch yet they aren't perturbed at all!In deed satan is a liar! They are ever misguided that all SINGLE MOTHERS are trollops and coquettes.I will forever repudiate their repugnant, stagnant thinking pentameter(if any) of their ever reprehensible perception of this category of women. With their ever unending criticism, they are increasingly incessantly becoming an eyesore in this group.Let's have matters of intellect...

#Witchcrafts_Nightrunners Loading .... In many villages these people do exist.While growing up,I had a one on one encounter with one... Stories abound of this category of kenyans with id.That if you marry a nightrunner you must join them in the trade. In my village night runners are well known,they appear in different shades and shapes.People fear them(I don't)Funny enough they are so composed and organized in their lives. I hear it's called "juogi"that 'idho' them to go gallivanting at night,sometimes naked,despite the cold. Others will perform theatrics in the wee hours of the night,chasing unimaginary things for nothing, causing havok,raising people's temperatures and adrenaline for no reason at all.For your information these people don't break bones at all. They derive pleasure when you 'suffer' they cackle, giggle and make funny sounds,they soliloquy once in a while, makes faces and go grrrh!!! In Kisii and its environs I h...

Over the years from 2008 when my account was opened,I have learnt a lot on this platform. I've learnt that we can agree and disagree principally but still remain the best of friends. I have learnt too that not all friends are friends after all.That we must and should accommodate one another despite our varying,stark differences.That there's no one way of looking into an issue.That I too can and do go wrong.That I am not perfect either. That we need one another. Who said that nothing good can come out of Facebook?You are wrong.So many good things can be obtained herein.One of them is information.Information is power.I keep on learning everyday.This is a research forum as well.Here we pose questions and our friends help in giving answers. War of words in this forum can be healthy much as it looks far fetched.You get to know a lot in the kerfuffle that ensues. We find all categories of people.Those who post their photos all the time,daily,at will tops the list.Naturally ...

#Tipsy_explosion There's nothing like family! You meet,you crack jokes you laugh.You smile, chat endlessly, easily! Thinking of the good old days, the lady that disappointed you and they knew how close you were... When brothers meet there's are no boundaries,drinks flow continuously, not to mention from where! You talk about a brother to be corrected, those that must now get married, the lazy ones and the cagey ones... Brothers can be slam dunk, whoever doesn't participate in family affairs to up their game... Those who are a nuisance in the village to be rehabilitated,the sod to be admonished... You reminisce, albeit nostalgically, the day your "demax" came and you were nowhere to be seen... There's nothing like family! You talk of the long journey dating way back when you walked barefoot to school... Thinking of that day Achupa left you by the fence when you'd gone for "ong'ora"... When brothers meet, those endowed fisca...

Beauty is a flower; withers it does relish in it not Beauty is temporary; invest in it sparingly be wary of it Beauty lasts not; character endeavours beyond bounds Beauty deceives; inner thoughts abound surface value-in vain Beauty permeates many; with many a false veil vanity galore Beauty is colorlessness; reloaded in falsifying cloth yet nakedness afloat Luanda Magere... Samson... Adam... Oh beauty Beautifuler Beautifulest Where doth thine heart dwelleth?

#Temporary_Insanity It's that season again when one suddenly realises that they are not only kenyans but Tachoni, Bajuni, Digo, Illchamus, Pokomo and Dorobo. It's that time when you all over a sudden see your neighbour as a stranger. Yes the time has come to retreat into your tribal cocoon and quickly forget that it's your next door jirani who once used his car in the middle of the dead night to take your wife to deliver in hospital three years ago. This is the time to ask if your friends are circumcised or not, you now want to know whether they are men,women or both, one wonders what they have been all this while. The time is ripe for the whole village to whisper in hushed tones if in deed your wife is a Kikuyu or Meru, when all along they knew her as Mama Ondengchodha, the village belle. It is now time to question your intelligence, not to mention that you have been the local intellectual cauldron upon which knowledge boils. Oh yes in the coming days you wil...

#Nocturnal_catch22 Onyos had never had a girlfriend.Ask any of his friends why and they all answer in astonishment"wa wa wa,ani we ok wachre!"( wa wa wa just leave words,it is unspeakable).He was turning 19-that was in 1991. One day his aunt,Pereskila Omwandho-a witty lady from Suba visited his brother(Onyo's father-).Naturally,Onyo's topic came up and she promised to see what to do about it'Adhi gamo ne Nyar Kabuoch'(I will woe him a lady from Kabuoch).This was a custom enshrined among their people,the people of Alego tat chumbe(Alego the roof of iron). After two full moons,Pereskila came back with a real village belle for Onyos' consumption.Most people believe that 'dhoge ne pek'(his mouth was heavy). After dinner,Onyos went with the lady to his 'simba'(lion) Several hours later,as his father was patrolling around the compound,he met  Onyos who had come out to pee. Onyos:Baba,otamore.(Dad,she has refused) Dad:nyos nyathina yawa ...

#Dala East or West home is best. You may think you have the worst home before you visit another place or country to make comparisons. Respect the people back home even when you come back from America after ten years.Remember you left them there and found them there,they didn't follow you to America or wherever. You came back for the simple reason- that's home! Give them audience and do not display arrogance just because you've come from Nairobi or Kawempe(the land of ebisenene) The village lunatic will do with as little as sh.50 and he'll gloss over your generosity for two years. The okada men will appreciate a little overpayment of sh.20 on top of the normal fare. Once in a while a grandmother will flatter you"my husband you are long gone"-Half a kilo of sugar will do. When one is bereaved participate in their sorrow.Dig the grave,split the firewood.Keep the night vigil.Contribute.Work.Organize. No man is an island. Your turn will come. And...

Sometimes I'm naughty. Other times I'm mad Still I sober up Sometimes I'm dirty Other times I'm neat Still I clean up. Sometimes I cry Other times I laugh Still I cheer up Sometimes I'm FK Other times I'm Esq Still I stand up Sometimes I travel Other times I sleep Still I wake up Sometimes I think Other times I rethink Still I steady up Sometimes I'm low Other times I'm hearty Still I remain upbeat Sometimes I read Other times I reread Still I pick up Sometimes I'm scared Other times I'm brave Still I stay up Sometimes I love Other times I hate Still I'm up I remain FK Intelligence Analyst!

Paradox! √A chief's son is lynched for theft! √A pastor's daughter procures abortion! √A teacher's son has his exam results cancelled for cheating! √A doctor's first born dies of a simple cough! √A banker's daughter can't count one to ten! √A prison warden officer rapes an expectant inmate! √An optician's son goes blind! ................c r a z y..........

#Wonders. You are travelling to Mombasa,seated next to a sleeping beauty.You engage in a conversation.In the process both of you develop a liking for each other.After arrival,you exchange contacts and keep in constant communication... After some period of time it happens that you are travelling to where she had also gone on duty.Coincidentally she calls and asks if you could meet... She goes 'mteja' when you arrive in that town.The following day,she calls and apologizes and insists on meeting you.You oblige and agree to meet.You check into an inn,take a room and settle.The lady goes to freshen up in the bathroom.... Curiosity gets the better of you and you peep inside her bag,your eyes chance on a long list of names-all male.Your name is the last one on that list at number 104... What will you do? Aijanalaja,aijajaja!

#Changing_geography When that time comes,though unknown ,please do not mourn,do not shed any tear drop-celebrate for I never lived my life weeping. Life has blown several barbs and bouquets my way and gracefully I did embrace them. When that time comes,narrate the poems I so much cherished;Crazy Peter Prattles,If Museveni Wins,I Laugh At Amin etc... When that time comes dance to the tune of Mokolo Nakokufa,hum to the rythms of John Junior's Nyayala,nod to the lyrics of Testament Ya Bowule and thump your feet to Tres-Impoli song! When that time comes,praise me not for what I wasn't!Tell it as it were! When that time comes pamper me not with goodies and niceties;do not do what you couldn't do for me when I needed you most. When that time comes hire not a hearse and seasoned acrobats to moke a lifeless thing! When that time comes do not offer my wife and kids the support you couldn't offer at my point of need. When the gates of oblivion swallow me and I obl...

#Wagogni Among the Acholi, a lady who is already married is referred to as "migogo"(singular),plural "wagogni" Now, Migogo  is a very important establishment, if not institution. The state of being married or "kend",say "keny".is highly revered.Migogo is also referred to as "ogwang" I must add that a stray/wild cat also goes by this name. See! It is believed that an in unmarried nubile lady brings bad omen to those dwelling in the compound. As such, when such a lady changes geography, Amadioha forbid, they are buried at the far end of the fence from outside. It is believed that they prevent those little girls not yet married from being married and getting children. (some beliefs though!) Now, a migogo is respected as well. Especially when "or" as son in-law is referred to as forms the key interplay. That's to say if she is married! I still don't understand this obsession with marriage. Isn't one free to dec...

Happy Teachers Day. I appreciate all my teachers of yore on this very important day. Md.Dorcas taught me a b c d; a e i o u,wiped mucus off my nose and literally taught me hygiene. Md.Patricia Mongina taught me in class one...Had good English! Mr.Nyagaya(RIP) my role model class three teacher.The handwriting I have today is his!So neat my sisters can attest to this. Mr.Odero and Mr.Machage of Nyamaharaga Primary were disciplinarians per lance.I remember them with nostalgia.I spit Mr.Odero's Kiswahili to date. Mr.Nyanjong' taught me English with reference to vocabulary and tenses. This man could teach for four hours running! At Kokwet Primary I met the most wonderful teachers you can ever dream of,Mr.Michael Onyango and Mr.Daniel Mahugi.The later speaks English like the Englishmen! And while in Machakos Mr.Kathenzi(RIP) and Mr.Mwaka made me fall in love with English!My linguistic appetite was aroused at this point. Md.Mary Mutua was my darling teacher!She had m...

#Fools_paradise I am yet to meet a sleeping beauty like my Geography teacher.She had a rare 'ambience',a distinct perfume,clean to no default and with admirable mien,it is a pity she wasn't my class teacher(another day,another story about my classteacher.)-despite all these,my teacher of English remained a favourite to all boys(May he RIP). Now,a 'new' teacher was 'posted' to our school-I can't even remember her name-what I am sure of is that she was barely 24 years!(stop having ideas,see!) Keen to outdo our Geography teacher,she overdid it!(I will spare you the details).Naturally,as boys will be boys,a few of us(count me out-I was the tiniest in class after Kaloki Ndeti),used to tease her!And how we relished in the dramatic irony! Now,those days the captain used to handle all the letters after teachers had picked theirs.One Monday morning he gets a post card titled 'Fools Paradise' addressed to this new teacher by her boyfriend with whom...

Mothers_day If only dani Ludia Nyonyach were alive! If only dani Prisca Nyondiegi was awake! If only dani Adah Nyandalo was full of life! If only dani Maritha Nyadimo was still hale and hearty! If only dani Susan Opiyo was still shaking her gourd! If only dani Min Marembo was still smoking her cigar! If only!If only!If only! You see,I spent most of my formative years rotating from one grandmother to the other over school holidays(thanks to polygamy!)!We had a special bond.I loved listening to their "sigana" and life was carefree!"Chak mopuo" ,"adila"and "ogira makanika";"osuga","atipa" and "mitoo" plus "mor nyaluo"was our menu!(I need not overemphasize that this was a delicacy)...were they not mothers to me then? Then there was the occasional scolding from dani Nyokwach'ii nyathini iyugno manade'(ii this child you are bushy how?)and she would shave us using "makas"(scissors) an...

#Nostalgia My maternal grandma,Ludia Nyo Nyach was a trained doctor.Those days of yore,few made forays into the field of medicine.Sadly all my life,I became aware of her whilst blind,yes,she was totally blind but with the biggest heart ever. Now grandma had a way with words whenever grandchildren came visiting.I am not ashamed to say that I was her favourite grandchild.One day I paid her a visit and she went like "Nyakwara pien dhogi kwar nyiri biro lari,ogwandi dongo ma rit apimni,namba achiel e class be mari."(Your lips are red,girls will floss over you,your legs are thick I lack words to describe them in class too you remain in position one.)All these while she would be all over you,literally feeling you with her dexterous hands...Bafles me how she knew the redness or otherwise of my lips inspite of her inability to see.I must say that she was able differently...All these while I was just a class four pupil! Today is one of those days that the reverie is unstopable-I r...