Felix Kochuka

My wife is on Facebook; I'm her number one fan, She watches as I type Line after line In anticipation Once in a while, she helps In editing the pieces! She's the force behind " Onyos " She smiles after reading "Haki was ni mfunny sweetie!" Sometimes when I'm offnet for long She asks, "Kwani umewacha Fb?" "Hebu tuchekeshe kidogo!" "Watu wanakumis haki" I laugh at her! My wife knows her place Never nags during the day, night, any time! As comments flood my wall She calls to ask, "umeona comments?" I say "Sina bundles" My wife knows my joke mates They are friends; they meet often Others are in the diaspora They are her best of the best She trusts me a lot! My wife knows that I'm human as well I get temptations just like she does She knows the way into a man's heart She also knows the way into my hut! In the heat of the moment..... My wife is a tigress, an FBI of s...

 "Jesus!" Onyos exclaimed. What was happening to him really? He quickly put on his clothes and bolted out of the room like a flash of lightning. His heart was beating furiously. "When did this lady come to the house?" He couldn't answer this. Truth be said she was way beautiful than Dumbamba. But why her at this time of the night in his bedroom? He couldn't tell. Onyos was such a disciplined gentleman especially after he left his wayward ways and married this terrorist in the name of a wife. Why had the gods conspired to ruin his life? At the same time the devil was speaking to him "Go back to the bedroom.... a man has got to be a man" etc, but he didn't need to this voice. He was way too afraid to do that( whatever it was!) Walking stealthily, he went to the bedroom door, stood there for two or so minutes, peeped once he did, and what did he see? The lady was carelessly lying in bed, stark naked, bedsheets hanging loosely by the beds...

Flashback Robinson Murira was my best friend in Form One B just before I left for a Machakos school. Those days we had no mobile phones yet we would meet at the bus stop at the same time,5:15AM just in time to board the first Stagecoach-Kenya Bus. This was our seventh wonder of the world none of us had a watch as well, but the Mwadhini msikitini Allahu Akbar would come in handy! Bathing was a luxury, needless to say, we had dry water taps! We enjoyed this routine all the same. Armed with our Bus Pass we would pay sh.7 to school, a distance of 25km-Coins had value by then! The conductor, clad in 'surupwenye' would roll out the receipts for the two of us. 'Kochuka bwana tuweke hizi risiti,'Murira would insist. Many are the days I would lose my receipts or forget them inside my Mathematics book that Apondi would always sneak with to their Kahawa home. (Reuben Ouma was the other Maths guru) We rarely traveled back to the estate together. On this particular day, h...