Felix Kochuka

An open letter to my co husband. Congratulations on your self appointed part time duty. I hope you do enjoy the daytime shift despite the heat and sweat that comes with it. I want to thank you for helping me maintain balanced horizontal  diet on my menu. Life is not easy nowadays. Thanks for ploughing during the dry season and leaving me with planting to do. Isn't life all about sharing? Thanks again and again for making her go away from me albeit intermittently in the name of "going to visit her parents",for the times she's away 'visiting' leaving me alone are my best times. I can watch football freely without having to contend with many rhetorical questions.I can play football too! It's a pity that at such times you are normally very busy building the nation. Build it without giving up. When she's away I'm always indoors by 6pm washing, cooking, ironing etc so that when she comes back she finds things in order and I escape her nagging and...

#Chuo_chikuu Now,once I had a sojourn in Piny jo rabolo(Uganda).I was on a field trip at Kings School-Buddo.I must admit that Ugandans are so courteous and their ladies respectful to the point of being docile with mild temperament,but horizontal terrorists and scrotal guzzlers. This friend of mine from Kadem had an insatiable appetite for Barmuda triangle,he was a third year Fine Arts student at a local university.We met this humble lady at a local joint-De-posh-on Kansanga road.Knees knelt,hands shook,the earth trembled,things went south,western,eastern and northern.One thing led to another and the smitten Ja Kadem disappeared in thin air with this belle! On my next visit,one year later for follow up on my project,I visited him yet again.It was on a Friday.He took me to Owino market,where we ate katogo and soup.Upon returning to college,I saw her,the lady that he disappeared with the previous year,carrying a baby-she couldn't recognize us!All she asked us was"Mister,do yo...

#Post_burial_analysis. Due to public demand I got to do this story. You remember I did the story about funerals in my village. This is a continuation, it's a conversation that we must have. Now before or after the departed has been laid to rest, depending on their stature,age,influence,gender etc, there are certain 'formalities' that follow. I call them formalities because nowadays most people do not follow these things. I am in support since most of them are quit illogical. Top on this list is "ke",others are "chodo kode","liedo" etc. Do not forget the award winning "tero buru" ,"matiang'a","golo" just before the burial. I bet most people derived sheer fun in all these. Take "tero buru" for instance. In this practice and tradition, village wags,village celebrities and children would gather in a group, clad in animal skins, painted with ash,carrying leaves and with cattle, mostly "ruedhi...

#IF If there is something about me that you know I don't know...tell me not. If there is nothing about me that you do not know...tell me not. If there is something about me that you want to know yet you already know...tell me not. If there is nothing about me that you want to know yet you think you know...tell me not. If you know everything about me yet you know nothing...tell me not. If what you know about me is something...tell me not. If anything you know about me is nothing...tell me not. If I mean something to you yet I am nothing...tell me not. If I mean everything to you yet anything I do or say matters not...tell me not. If everything and anything dear to me matters not to you...tell me not. If I am something to you yet I am anything as well as nothing...tell me not. If I am nobody and anybody packaged into nothing and anything...tell me not. If I am a base as well as an acid and an alkaline...tell me not. If we are one yet two;two yet three;joined yet disenta...

#Vigil In my village, just like in many African villages, when one changes geography, there's usually what we call "arita" night vigil. It's a period where the people keep the dead company the whole night before they are "swallowed by the earth" the following day. Several activities accompany this nocturnal ceremony and tradition, deeply embedded in most cultures. The preparations are made in advance. One thing that you won't find missing is a bonfire where "jodongo"(Old men), clad in their "kabut"(a blanket of a jacket), warm themselves. They spend time reminiscing about the good deeds of the late. One would be heard saying "An Nick ne miya ga  pesa machwako nyoyo, diere moko ne wadhi sero kode Seme Konywera kocha, gima ne waneno bor korie"(Nick used to give me money that can boil 'githeri', at one time we went on a seduction spree in Seme Kolunje, what we saw is long when straightened 😂 😂 😂) Granted, mos...

#Philosophy_of_life Socio_gender outlook Folks this Tuesday let's delve and dwell into the murky waters of this often cheaply peddled mantra that : "All men are the same." Well, literally it could be meaningless!For once not all men are the same,while some are short, some are tall, while others are chubby others are too petite and beautiful for a man!Yet some are poor in wealth while others are rich in poverty!The bottom line being that it depends on what you choose to look at not necessarily what you look at! Granted, most of the world's problems start with the word MEN, viz: Mental torture Meningitis Menopause Mental depression Menstruation Manchester! (Ahem!) Etc. I've also heard that men are animals, they act like angels, behave like monkeys and live like beasts.Still they are men!Men I'm reliably informed are egocentric, selfish and macho. Well they can't help it at times, thanks to testosterone!A man's ego must be assuaged and ...

#Philosophically_entangled Women and tears. When Jesus was crucified, we all know those who shed tears! When we have funerals in our villages, we all know those who wail! When accidents occur, we all know those who cry and feel for the dead and injured. When couples are fighting, who cries the most? When life gets tough.............................................................. Why do women behave so? Well, it's nature, through child bearing, they know the real pain of bringing forth life, whereas men are mere dispensers, women feel the weight through the nine month period.Still,after that taking care of the young ones takes a toll on them, hence they feel whenever one is in pain. Women are not only sympathetic but empathetic.While most men will only sympathise, women do empathise.They share their problems and easily open up compared to men who are macho and hard core.Through out my stay with my  Father, I never saw him cry, let alone drop a tear,despite the many dif...

#Alcohol Who discovered it and why? I've always believed that the only honest people in this God given world are children and drunkards. This was confirmed, affirmed and reaffirmed in Kakamega one time when a drunkard opened my eyes! I always thought I knew about "her" until this sod told me what I'll never utter anywhere! That was 1999! My college tutor (for those who know) was the cleverest guy ever, having been a lecturer at a record 22years, was a genius whose brain functioned well when inebriated. I still believe this guy, a Mangu High product was meant to go places. It's believed that alcohol impairs one's thinking, making them tipsy, unable to make sound judgement and jittery, if not restless. However to others it makes them unusually quiet,just like Mr Nganga, my primary school teacher of Science. A guy who knew his working hours well He NEVER missed any lesson! But after work he was literally deaf and dumb. Did I read that Jesus turned water in...

Gentle harassment Killed me softly inside you did, I stopped to give you a glance not, My strong feelings betrayed me, Truly,you were meant for me. Never did I know what to do, I was dying for you, How would I let you know? Truly,you were made for me. Face to face we came, A pounding heart jerked the emotions within, I needed you so bad, That's why you warmly hugged me. The smart figure tore me into pieces, Yearned for you each day, But how Aswito How would I let you know? Yet truly you haunted me? Withered I did,each day,for you I persevered to have you, Though I was weak yet steady, I knew you wanted me! It hasn't been long Ever since I last saw you, Glad it was meant to be, Happy to be with you.

An open letter to a Co-wife Dear co wife, why I should call you dear beats logic. Let me say, hello DL! I hope by now that old man you are cuddling has chewed the government groundnuts.Make sure he does for I have done that dutifully for thirteen years now. I must admit that I admire your courage and zeal in committing suicide. By the way I had packed for him three jualas,they are safely tucked in his breast pocket, I'm sure he doesn't even know! Make use of them if you still value your life. In fact I'm sure he'll persuade you not to use them but INSIST. by the way he will use only one, if not half! You see he belongs to the Vaseline battalion as well, in case you didn't know now you do. Take care of your posterior protrusion lest he hacks it! Oh did I not tell you that he belongs to team "Churu churu bwaa?".Do not be shocked if he falls midstream and doesn't reach "Batian".In case you wake up in the middle of the night and doesn't...

This idea was first mooted in 2017 by a trusted confidant. Today I make it a reality.